The Plan

When entering a battle it always wise to have a plan of attack.  Thankfully I have a wonderful Doctor and Nurse Practitioner who are working with me to see what is exactly going on.  We have some basic ideas as to what is going on.  I thought for the longest time that I have something called PCOS, however I don't actually have this.  Although I don't have an actual diagnosis we have a basic theory.  I don't ovulate. 

So this weeks plan is to start two drugs.  One is Metformin which I need to be on anyways because I have an issue with my insulin and its a form of type 2 Diabetes.  The second drug is called Provera.  It will get things going and clean up the insides. *Trying to keep this pg for some of my guy friends* (However this is all medical and science.).  I will go in for a series of test over the next week and a half.  There will blood test to see what my hormone levels are and and to check for certain antibodies.  Then an ultrasound to see what my reserve is...if any. 

If everything comes back good and there seems to be some hope during this process there will be a third drug added to my cocktail (the more the merrier...right?)  The third drug is called Clomid.  It will help me develop an egg or as Clomid is known to do...maybe two or three.  What a thought!  To go from no babies to one, two or three!  If only! 

Fun side effects of drugs...hot flashes, nausea and scores of other fun side effects.  Then there are side effects that the doctor didn't tell me about and that the drug flyers didn't say would happen.  There is a whole other symptom that at times proves to be overwhelming.  Dealing daily with the thought of never being able to have a family of our own.  Dealing with the mixed feelings of joy for others and sorrow for yourself.

However great the odds are when you face a battle, there comes a point right before the initial attack when you pause for a split second and consider not advancing.  I think this is my moment.  But I've decided that although there may be a losses and at times I may loose the will to fight on, I can't afford that luxury.  If I am to be successful I must advance when when it hurts.  So the white flag has been put away.  The troops have been rallied and the battle cry is sounding.  Advance my comrades advance!